OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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