I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
