smell my finger.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
