genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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