Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
