YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
