im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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