you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
