Nicole vs. Life
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
