drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
