Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
