I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
