I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
