I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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