I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
