It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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