Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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