I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
