Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
