Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
