u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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