you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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