Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
