You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My sheets look like a crime scene.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
