I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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