and she was petting her beer can
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
