Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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