Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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