Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
