Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
