Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
