remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
