i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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