my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
