he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize