My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
