so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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