you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
