remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
