Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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