Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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