I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize