i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
