i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
