But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
