So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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