Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
