I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
