right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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