the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
