never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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