I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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