i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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