Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
