do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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