Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
