I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
