She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize