thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
