He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
