never play flip cup with pint glasses
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
