it hurts more in the daytime
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
