I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
