Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend