My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's blow job season.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
