I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?