worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?