I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
