No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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