god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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