im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize