I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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