Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
