I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
