I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
