My room smells like vodka and shame
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
