its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
