im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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