Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
MIDGETS
????
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
