so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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