Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize