im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
